bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
