Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
