I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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