That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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