Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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