You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize