I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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