I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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