also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
