What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Someone shit on the floor
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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