Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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