I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Someone signed my nipple.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
