Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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