You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
