And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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