So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
