i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
