Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize