your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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