I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
