Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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