i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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