i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
