Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize