The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
