You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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