And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
