no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
