The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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