She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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