I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
