What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i think my tv is drunk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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