Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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