It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Terrible idea I love it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
