im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
