i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
