yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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