I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
