member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
