i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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