I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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