i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
