i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
