the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
