Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
