you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
