Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize