We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
