I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
