when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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