You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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