yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize