these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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