i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
