I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
