She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
