i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
