Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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