So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
