Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
