i just had sex bonerless
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
