I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
