I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dear god my vagina.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
