Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
